Have you ever felt secretly relieved to have escaped the rituals, routines and ruts you were in at home-home? Part of you is happy to have gotten away from all those unwritten expectations and secretly feels sorry for all those still participating in the dance.
Illona Morrice's Circle of Life...
And another part of you misses it and wants to find that again in some way shape or form because it is an aspect of our natural way of being. Whether we knew it or not, much of this ‘rut’ was actually a welcome rhythm. A partly natural yet mostly created ebb and flow that gave us a reason to get up in the morning.
And whether we realize it or not, when we moved away from the routines, the perceived expectations and daily requirements, the pattern and form we had created around ourselves, we moved away from that which makes us who we are. And if we do not re-create at least some of that structure in our new locations, we become aimless, lost and directionless.
A structured day that includes planned, purposeful events yet allows for some spontaneity and play is missing from so many expat lives. Our adventurous spirits resist it, yet it is often one of the key missing pieces. I know people who get up in the morning and check their emails – and hours later are still on the internet. Others stretch out the house-cleaning, say yes to every uninspiring invitation, sign up for things they don’t really want to do just to do something. Carefully crafted meaningful, purposeful structure can save us from ourselves – literally.
Some of the most unhappy times I have had personally as an expat have been a solid reflection of aimless days. These days are of course a reflection of what lies deeper – the lack of career, overwhelm, not knowing where to start and even the sheer numbers of hours in the day that scream to be filled. Yet carefully fill them we must.
This year has been one of many challenges yet writing this blog, practicing singing and piano daily, coaching on certain days and training on others, volunteering on particular days of the week and connecting with friends on others has sustained me. Even when I haven’t seen my kids for months. The need for structure has become a focal point for me – a so-called spontaneous Saggitarian 
When considering how to structure your days, it is important to keep the following in mind:
- Always include doing something you love.
- Exclude perceived obligations that you dread, avoid and procrastinate over as these will derail everything.
- If you have obligations that must be done – do them as early as you can in the morning or they will sabotage your day.
- Exercise consistently – and with a friend to help you to stick to your routine. The earlier you exercise, the better you set up your metabolism for the day.
- Join a class or an activity series that you are excited about – and have to pay for. Paying is investing and we are more likely to go to something we are invested in.
- Replace shoulds with wants.
- Clean the house routinely – for a fixed amount of time each day.
- Connect to friends or family in some way EVERY day – do not miss this step.
- Set aside a specific amount of time on the internet and answering email. Turn off the computer when you are done as a turned off computer is more difficult to ‘just have a quick look’ at.
- Read something made of paper every day – especially if it is a newspaper you enjoy.
- Call your Mum/best friend/sister/most loved female at least once a week.
- Plan non-negotiable date nights with your partner – take turns planning the content.
- Plan something to look forward to for next week – and every one thereafter.
- Read something in bed on a Sunday morning.
Yesterday we talked about the importance of connection and how rich relationships are one of the keys to happiness. Some of these connections are deliciously random and others must be structured. Creating a regular time, place and emotional space for those you love creates a natural cycle that our minds, bodies and souls respond to. What goes around comes around – and back around again. Or like Elton John says, and at the risk of sounding like a cliche …
It's the Circle of Life And it moves us all Through despair and hope Through faith and love Till we find our place On the path unwinding In the Circle The Circle of Life
One more sleep – how can it be that 364 days of this have passed?
Tip 36something: Craft the structure of your day with great care and attention to detail.
